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Nour Force
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PostSubject: Love&Skyrim   Fri Feb 17, 2012 6:51 am

I fell in love with a great guy
Even though he's a little shy
I know he wants me to be his girl
Because he calls me his little pearl

He's sweet, nice, and kind
He's the kind that's hard to find
I just love it when he talks to me
But then I took an arrow to the knee

I was forced to move away
Just thinking about him everyday
I had to be a Skyrim Guard
The job was really hard

Because there's dragons everywhere
Dragons here and Dragons there
I guess I must live my new life
Or I can stab myself with a knife!


Poems; I don't do them a lot
As you can clearly see why not
I've seen better poetry written by a tree
So, how many Admins are banning me?
I should give up... Eeyup.


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PostSubject: Re: Love&Skyrim   Fri Feb 17, 2012 7:03 am

XDDDDD ARROW TO THE KNEE REFERENCE! XDDDDD LOVE IT!
Eeyup.




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PostSubject: Re: Love&Skyrim   Fri Feb 17, 2012 7:12 am

thats really good nour iv personaly always been really bad at poems








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PostSubject: Re: Love&Skyrim   Fri Feb 17, 2012 7:42 am

... is this supposed to be funny cuz i dont see the point
now go get ur self an arrow in the knee
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PostSubject: Re: Love&Skyrim   Fri Feb 17, 2012 8:02 am

This poem is quite deep in more than one way. I can tell that this woman fell in love with a man who seemed so perfect, yet he betrayed her in a way that broke her heart. Now she is trying to live the life of her dreams before she met that special someone, whom she cannot take her mind off of, but she must for her life is worth living.
The poem explains the cruelty of some men, who do not care for what their loved ones feel, but only to make use of and abuse them in a way that they find suitable to their needs. Expressing the poem in an ancient timeline defines the hardships one had to endure so long ago, and that meeting a love was a complete renovation in one's life. The stanzas seem to be balanced with witty rhyming thrown in the mix, and quite an interesting sequence of events.
However, if I were to criticize, the incorrect words to be used can be noted, such as "guy" and the short forms of a few phrases. A few lines also indicated a poor amount of emotion, or relation to the piece, which takes away a large portion of its sheer beauty.

Total 6.7/10



EW: also wtf does SJW stand for? Stupid Jealous Woman?
Ryuuji Takasu: looks cute. but cute sounds girly. so ill say kawaii
Lesbihonest: damn kimo you have the sexiest male voice ive ever heard o.o
Rika Furude: no, that wasnt ripped from the Bible or something, it's one of Rika Furude's poems in Higurashi. Deep ****.
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PostSubject: Re: Love&Skyrim   Fri Feb 17, 2012 8:10 am

Kimo Force wrote:
This poem is quite deep in more than one way. I can tell that this woman fell in love with a man who seemed so perfect, yet he betrayed her in a way that broke her heart. Now she is trying to live the life of her dreams before she met that special someone, whom she cannot take her mind off of, but she must for her life is worth living.
The poem explains the cruelty of some men, who do not care for what their loved ones feel, but only to make use of and abuse them in a way that they find suitable to their needs. Expressing the poem in an ancient timeline defines the hardships one had to endure so long ago, and that meeting a love was a complete renovation in one's life. The stanzas seem to be balanced with witty rhyming thrown in the mix, and quite an interesting sequence of events.
However, if I were to criticize, the incorrect words to be used can be noted, such as "guy" and the short forms of a few phrases. A few lines also indicated a poor amount of emotion, or relation to the piece, which takes away a large portion of its sheer beauty.

Total 6.7/10
wtfu?? seriously i dont see anything in this poem from what u said
this is like another text i read and go to do other things
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PostSubject: Re: Love&Skyrim   Fri Feb 17, 2012 8:39 am

Idk how many admins are banning you, I know of one that definitelly won't ban you, because then he'd have to ban himself for the same reason.


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PostSubject: Re: Love&Skyrim   Fri Feb 17, 2012 4:53 pm

Kimo Force wrote:
This poem is quite deep in more than one way. I can tell that this woman fell in love with a man who seemed so perfect, yet he betrayed her in a way that broke her heart. Now she is trying to live the life of her dreams before she met that special someone, whom she cannot take her mind off of, but she must for her life is worth living.
The poem explains the cruelty of some men, who do not care for what their loved ones feel, but only to make use of and abuse them in a way that they find suitable to their needs. Expressing the poem in an ancient timeline defines the hardships one had to endure so long ago, and that meeting a love was a complete renovation in one's life. The stanzas seem to be balanced with witty rhyming thrown in the mix, and quite an interesting sequence of events.
However, if I were to criticize, the incorrect words to be used can be noted, such as "guy" and the short forms of a few phrases. A few lines also indicated a poor amount of emotion, or relation to the piece, which takes away a large portion of its sheer beauty.

Total 6.7/10

No.. I just thought it was fun o.o

Bloo wrote:
... is this supposed to be funny cuz i dont see the point
now go get ur self an arrow in the knee
Ofcourse you don't. You're Bloo. I knew you wouldn't understand a thing from this poem to be honest. :3



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PostSubject: Re: Love&Skyrim   Fri Feb 17, 2012 5:38 pm

soo ... i finally find some topic with skyrim in its name and what do i see , a poem .....
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PostSubject: Re: Love&Skyrim   Fri Feb 17, 2012 6:02 pm

Bloo wrote:
soo ... i finally find some topic with skyrim in its name and what do i see , a poem .....
A poem about... Ugh, I give up. Can someone explain to him?


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PostSubject: Re: Love&Skyrim   Fri Feb 17, 2012 9:22 pm

Well, speaking about your poetry in general, 2 things you should try to pick up on:

1.) Rhythm. Read over the poetry a couple times after you've finished, and make sure there's a rhythm to your lines. Like, for example.

He's sweet, nice, and kind
He's the kind that's hard to find

There's a rhythm (I forget which one, trochaic perhaps?) in the second verse that isn't in the first.
(That's a stress every other syllable)

He's the kind that's hard to find

Try to match this in the first one, by adding a new word every time.

He's sweet, he's nice, and kind

Already if you think it over, it sounds better, though it's a different kind of rhythm, though the second verse sounds slightly inept, as there is only 3 parts and it feels short; the new words make it sound kinda crap, basically, so let's throw a triple in there.

He's sweet, he's nice, he's cute, and kind

Hell, let's go all out and throw in some apt repetition.

He's sweet, he's nice, he's cute, he's kind

So to finish we have:

He's sweet, he's nice, he's cute, he's kind
He's the kind that's hard to find

It looks better already, if I do say so myself, it would be especially awesome if you followed up with some more complicated rhymes and stuff.

All the time; he's in my mind
I'm blind, without him by my side

(Note the half rhyme with "side". It doesn't actually rhyme but it does sound similar.)


2.) Try not to use simple rhyming words.

Words that are usually single-syllable are alot less impressive looking than words which are 2 or even 3.

E.g. Because there's dragons everywhere
Dragons here and Dragons there

Everywhere was a good start; though it was simple, it's long and good looking. However, "dragons here and dragons there" are very simple and they tend to make the poem itself seem a lot more simplistic.

However I do understand that there are a limited number of words which rhyme with other words, and a way around that is to confuse people. No joke.

Just throw in a long impressive looking word with a simple word, though make sure it isn't too simple.

A simple word like "Flare", for example. That has to do with fire which has to do with dragons, right?

Because there's dragons everywhere,
Purging worlds with abyssal flares,

Though again, that sounds quite inapt, so you have to lead on to something bigger. Something to make them forget how the first line wasn't that good by making them go "hm, that was pretty good." at the end.

Apocalyptic battles, the age of judgement
I feel emotions; rage; despair at the
uncaring destruction, plaguing our lands
at the hands of the dragons, the actions that stand;
to fan the flames of its own eternal war,
a taunt to find what resistance man can draw,
from the depths of thei-

*got carried away. Sorry*

But you get the picture, right?











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PostSubject: Re: Love&Skyrim   Fri Feb 17, 2012 11:12 pm

Fish wrote:
Well, speaking about your poetry in general, 2 things you should try to pick up on:

1.) Rhythm. Read over the poetry a couple times after you've finished, and make sure there's a rhythm to your lines. Like, for example.

He's sweet, nice, and kind
He's the kind that's hard to find

There's a rhythm (I forget which one, trochaic perhaps?) in the second verse that isn't in the first.
(That's a stress every other syllable)

He's the kind that's hard to find

Try to match this in the first one, by adding a new word every time.

He's sweet, he's nice, and kind

Already if you think it over, it sounds better, though it's a different kind of rhythm, though the second verse sounds slightly inept, as there is only 3 parts and it feels short; the new words make it sound kinda crap, basically, so let's throw a triple in there.

He's sweet, he's nice, he's cute, and kind

Hell, let's go all out and throw in some apt repetition.

He's sweet, he's nice, he's cute, he's kind

So to finish we have:

He's sweet, he's nice, he's cute, he's kind
He's the kind that's hard to find

It looks better already, if I do say so myself, it would be especially awesome if you followed up with some more complicated rhymes and stuff.

All the time; he's in my mind
I'm blind, without him by my side

(Note the half rhyme with "side". It doesn't actually rhyme but it does sound similar.)


2.) Try not to use simple rhyming words.

Words that are usually single-syllable are alot less impressive looking than words which are 2 or even 3.

E.g. Because there's dragons everywhere
Dragons here and Dragons there

Everywhere was a good start; though it was simple, it's long and good looking. However, "dragons here and dragons there" are very simple and they tend to make the poem itself seem a lot more simplistic.

However I do understand that there are a limited number of words which rhyme with other words, and a way around that is to confuse people. No joke.

Just throw in a long impressive looking word with a simple word, though make sure it isn't too simple.

A simple word like "Flare", for example. That has to do with fire which has to do with dragons, right?

Because there's dragons everywhere,
Purging worlds with abyssal flares,

Though again, that sounds quite inapt, so you have to lead on to something bigger. Something to make them forget how the first line wasn't that good by making them go "hm, that was pretty good." at the end.

Apocalyptic battles, the age of judgement
I feel emotions; rage; despair at the
uncaring destruction, plaguing our lands
at the hands of the dragons, the actions that stand;
to fan the flames of its own eternal war,
a taunt to find what resistance man can draw,
from the depths of thei-

*got carried away. Sorry*

But you get the picture, right?

99nour wrote:
No.. I just thought it was fun o.o
I'm not trying to be a poet! =.= I made this fur teh lulz!
Fish wrote:
Woah! You two, stop this madness!
All you'll cause is others' sadness!
The rhymes, the insults, there's no excuse,
Keep this going and I'll put my hammer to use.
But you should be a poet ._.

---
That's Good advice, thank you Fish!
Now you won't be.. Uhh... The new Main Dish?
Yeah, I didn't read what you wrote yet.


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PostSubject: Re: Love&Skyrim   Sat Feb 18, 2012 3:41 pm

Really good poem. I used to write poetry... then I took an arrow to the knee...


I know this is a bit random, but Fish, will you marry me?

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PostSubject: Re: Love&Skyrim   Sat Feb 18, 2012 6:56 pm

I thought you above that kind of joke, Wynchester... I am disappointed.











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