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Reikan
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PostSubject: On Girly Guys    Sun Sep 08, 2013 11:42 am

FREE GIF:
 

Ok now onto the discussion...

There are several people I want to talk to on here that I consider friends. Seeing that even Katarina offered her own genuine advice for this, I think its ok if I asked everyone about this for your take on this. I will present 3 cases of instances for this discussion. I guess this is about my own insecurity as to making friends and not knowing how to keep them. Here is a history of my attempts at friendship (aside from WDA, you guys are awesome!)



Case 1 - Grade School:
 



Case 2 - High School:
 



Case 3 - Uni:
 

TL ; DR Version:
 

I know there is nothing "wrong" with me (a little while ago I questioned if there was, but no.) I know for sure that I'm heterosexual and identify as a male. I know that I am feminine. I know you guys aren't therapists or doctors, but do you have any good advice for me? Or maybe you can share your story if you have a similar case. Thank you for your time if you do give a good reply.




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PostSubject: Re: On Girly Guys    Sun Sep 08, 2013 8:42 pm

Try alternative sports to see if you enjoy them at all.

When I was an ickle kiddy, I was always bullied for heavily disliking football. Seems a bit of a shit game. Alright playing it, don't like watching it.

Following that, fell in with the "middle laners" so to speak, a bunch of guys who aren't popular but aren't unpopular. Also fell in with the nerds, because in ickle kiddy school we had tables for all of the intelligence levels and there were the 5 or 6 of us who were always put into the "Genius" table.

Following that, went to my current school, where they don't just offer Rugby, Football and Hockey. I'm basically liked by everybody in school roundabouts now, I'm a fencer, a free-runner, a Sergeant in the cadet force, and a Thespian.

We're not weird. Thanks.

I've had maybe 12 or 13 girlfriends over the period from age, say, 12, to now, and I'm 17. Right now I'm in a happy relationship which has lasted about a year and a half, despite me spending the majority of my time playing on games.

Other than that, go and socialise. I'm not sure what you want, advice on how to make friends? Or advice on how to be happy? But it's definitely not that you're feminine or a possible homosexual, because I'm bisexual and can be very masculine and very feminine at times.

If you don't like people, you don't like them. Some guys are assholes and those are the guys that try to bully me, and for it I tend to kick the shit out of them because I love combat sports.

Just socialise with people you like and people who you share interests with, and over time that group will grow as you all get closer and do more stuff, and it won't be that they don't invite you places with them, it'll just be that you all mutually go without invitations having to occur.

If they do occur, you'll probably be one of the ones inviting people.











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PostSubject: Re: On Girly Guys    Mon Sep 09, 2013 6:05 pm

Thank you everybody who took the time to comfort me and give me support. I really appreciate it, guys!




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PostSubject: Re: On Girly Guys    Tue Sep 10, 2013 4:15 am

(That's totally me.)











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PostSubject: Re: On Girly Guys    Tue Sep 10, 2013 4:40 am

np u can Always talk to me again ;]




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PostSubject: Re: On Girly Guys    Tue Sep 10, 2013 5:46 am

Fish wrote:
(That's totally me.)
lmaoed.

Prolly too late but didn't see the post til now, anyway I'm not really the one to give any advice about this issue cos my social life always kinda sucked lol. I just feel okay alone for the most time...
I never liked football and that's ofc the usual convo where I live. I'm so closed when it comes to my private life that I don't want to talk about that either...it comes down to being a "yes" "no" conversation from my part.
Talking about studies is aright for me but pretty much everyone at my class hate it (except girls who usually ask me for help, that's a good one). Result: I dont even try to get into a group or talk to anyone...if they come, that's fine, but it wont be THE best of times for me.
Only time I go outside to have fun is when I go play tennis or just walk around. No REAL friends atm to share stuff, had 1 or 2 in grade school but we were bullied to death anyway 8D.

I wouldn't say hanging out with girls is being feminine, I usually do so because I hate partying and getting drunk like everyone else does. Had a few experiences hanging out with some friends and were not nice tbh.

Anti-social behaviour FTW.


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PostSubject: Re: On Girly Guys    Tue Sep 10, 2013 12:16 pm

On one hand I can definitely relate. On the other, I guess I just handled my issues in a bit more of a forward and uncaring way. I've always been an awkward individual whom never got along with most individuals, but that never really bothered me much.

I know I've been bullied a bit throughout my school life, but as time went on I thought about it less so it kind of happened less... if that makes sense. I remember when I was in Grade School when my friends would condescendingly call me weird and creepy it used to bug me a lot, because they were pretty much my safe zone against everyone else. Somewhere along the line I either stopped caring or made it clear someone needs to back off, for better or worse. I didn't keep any of my friends from grade school when I moved from California to Idaho. I made a pretty serious attempt to keep them, but I haven't spoken to them for years, even though they have easy ways to contact me and vice versa.

A made one of my first really good friends when I moved though. He was incredibly socially awkward and we really only met because we had the same English class and in group projects the teacher would ask to find a partner for an assignment. We'd be the last ones sitting who didn't even attempt to find anyone. That was like 7 years ago and to this day even though I'm a full time college student and he works 2 jobs, we still meet up once a week to hang out.

I think people who saw me in high school were actually afraid of me in ways. I can't think of a better example then my Junior year in English when I wrote a persuasive essay on animated child pornography (yes, not kidding) defending it, in a class that consisted of 4/5ths females. This is a class I borderline slept through. I talked to virtually no one but have always been extremely serious or passionate about the things I do or say... and I've been asked multiple times if I was bipolar, going from anti-social and sleeping to loud, sarcastic and serious.

Though just a surface area on where I got most of my crap. Little more specific, one thing is I used play Yu-Gi-Oh during lunch time out were everyone could see us. I would constantly get heckled about it, sometimes even group of people I didn't even recognize coming by or sitting down at where we're at to mess with the two of us playing. My friend's defense mechanism was to completely blank it out and ignore it, not responding to anyone while my defense mechanism was to tell them to **** off, lol. I've been in a small handful of fights, all started by me. I'm not a very strong person, nor have I technically won a fight I've been in, but afterwards they didn't pick on me in the slightest anymore... anyone but one person.

Another one of my friends who constantly got bullied (not the same buddy as before) was getting harassed and had some of his stuff stolen pretty much right from his hands. I basically tried to reason with him but he wasn't having any of it, so I got a teacher over and they marched him off. The next day I was called into the principles office were I spoke to them about what happened, them saying that my friend and a witness was also called in but didn't want to say anything about it because they'd be "ratting" on him and were afraid of him. I told her how it was and later found out he got sent to juvenile hall for it because he was on a type of probation. This is the big kicker. I caught wind later that he was cool with two of the people who were called in the principles office, but not me. Essentially told one of his friends that informed me that he essentially was saying, serious or not, that he was going to kill me when he got out... long story short, when he came out, he went right back because of that threat.

Kind of a too long, didn't read here, the moral to all of this is I did get bullied and avoided quite a bit, and most "normal" people didn't want to have anything to do with me, but I've got a great group of friends and great girlfriend and that's essentially enough for me, and I also don't treat people I think I wouldn't get along with or don't like me any different then they deserve just because we don't share similar interests. I have a TON of feminine hobbies and I'm a somewhat feminine person, but I'm also an odd ball that also helped me stick out, but things never got to me because I stuck to my guns and either told people to give me space or made people give me space... that's pretty much what kept me out of it ever being a problem at all.

I wish I could give real advice and not just experiences, but I can say that being yourself and proud of what your doing will make a lot of other things just not matter anymore. If you regret not doing something you probably should've. If there's someone you'd like to meet or talk with and become friends with, you should. I have about five really close friends irl and two of them are people I approached because I found them interesting and genuinely wanted to get to know them. Heck, I have one friend who actually literally hated me when we first met, now we talk all the time. Also, just like people will stereotype you as who you are because of what you like or some of the ways you act, you shouldn't do the same to others. Not saying you are, and the partying person you room with sounds like a complete jerk, but don't dismiss everyone who might like to party as a jerk too... it doesn't help anything conforming to essentially how you hate people treat you, even if it is true part of the time it isn't all the time. Be open, tolerate and live. That's all I got.



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PostSubject: Re: On Girly Guys    Tue Sep 10, 2013 12:31 pm

Not giving a fuck is s super power. Ignorance is bliss. Things get better. Got to toughen through it. etc.

idk i'm not good at giving advice.


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PostSubject: Re: On Girly Guys    Tue Sep 10, 2013 6:12 pm

I'm not the best problem solver in the world; in fact I have the almost same problems when i was growing up (although i don't remember it perfectly). When I was young I was also socially awkward. most of my time I would be left alone on the playground or blacktop to be left drawing in the sand or walking around thinking. I was introduced to Yu-Gi-Oh and Pokemon at the time so I would try to picture scenarios into my head to keep my head out of things. This lead me to become interested into projects such as drawing, and (i don't know how) but thats how I earned some friends; because they were fascinated what I can do. It was pretty short lived and I didn't keep them around for long. I suppose from there I tried nudging myself into things just to make some friends like joining Basketball games, Soccer, and maybe found some people into Yu-Gi-Oh and Pokemon like I was. It was nice until Junior High, when I was left alone to start all over again. I couldn't find the right people to talk to; mostly Hispanics where the people I was around. I'm not racist, it's just the way I was raised, because my family is old fashioned and the best people to befriend people of the same ethnicity, however that didn't work for me either. Most Asians (except me apparently) hang around packs and when I see my old grade school friends in there and not notice me; it brought me alot of depression; however I still kept my imagination going just to make sure I'm not alone (I'm weird that way). I decided to join Band Class because everyone was talking about how fun it was and I wanted to take part of it. It wasn't the number 1 way, I made some friends from the same section as me, but i never hanged out with them outside of class (So I still felt alone at that point). Along the way I met these 4 people during Lunch who (in a different band class than me) who made like gay jokes (like acting gay, not saying anything offensive) and such and I felt like joining them to see if I can become their friends and hey it worked out. From then on they have became my  best friends that were always there for me no matter if I was socially strong around them or not. During high school they influenced me to join Marching Band and the people you meet there were so friendly, it would be near impossible to find someone to talk to and have fun. However even through all the great times I have had with them, I felt undeserving to become friends with them because I felt like I couldn't hold my part of the communication; just a guy being there. I'm the type of guy that doesn't get out much and sticks to what he knows, which leave me empty in alot of conversations, but I try to make the best of it by acting wierd just like them and cracking sarcastic jokes. You'll probably notice I ask for attention alot in chat, it derives from me feeling alone at times when I was young and once I've made friends its hard to see them not remember/notice you.

Sorry for jumping around in the story but I guess I could say I made my friends by being kind and not try to pick fights I suppose. I would be the guy you couldn't be mad at but might forget along the way.

I never had a girlfriend before and even if i did I would be by accident. I don't feel like I could be suitable for any girl, even the ones I have had a crush on for so long, I feel like its better to stay as friends with them. I did like a girl in 6th grade and she didn't like me at all back, and I (shamefully) did so many awkward things around her that not only was I a laughing stock but I put an even bigger gap between her and myself. Which is now why I made that mindset.

Well on the subject of having more Female friends as compared to Male friends; personally I don't see the issue. Just because you hang out with them doesn't mean they force you to influence you to be like them. Maybe you're curious around them and want to know what their about or you find it much easier to hang around females than guys that go wild; pretty much how I went about it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't try to make a big deal of it and make the day as great as you can. It'll pay off eventually. I mean we're all friends here right? Just one small step at a time.

I've been meaning to get to post here sometime, but I couldn't recall my past well enough. I'm sorry if this isn't the helpful advice, but like you can see from the comments in your post. You're not alone.


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PostSubject: Re: On Girly Guys    Wed Sep 11, 2013 6:25 am

Considering I'm only 15, My advice might not be the best, but anyway.
My school life was pretty decent to be honest. I went to a little private school in the middle of nowhere, So we were are cool with each other. During sixth grade, my family moved. You know how it is, New kid in middle of year, Rumors start. Good to say I was shunned. I kept to myself till 8th grade. I joined football, and started to hang out with "good" friends. Anyway, Middle of 9th grade, My gf broke up with me. Thing is, She started a rumor that I tried to **** her. (Fill it in, I know u can, Starts with r.) Needless to say, People beloved her. Needless to say, Her jock friends beat me within a inch of my life. Anyway, I lost all my friends, and I became antisocial. Was pretty depressed here and at school for quite some time. Moral of the story, Better to have 1 good friend, Than 10 terrible.




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PostSubject: Re: On Girly Guys    Wed Sep 11, 2013 8:35 am

I enjoy reading that for some odd reason. o-o we can be friends.


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PostSubject: Re: On Girly Guys    Wed Sep 11, 2013 10:28 am

hey judgment, remember me karin? we are still friends if u do remember? :o <3




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PostSubject: Re: On Girly Guys    Thu Sep 12, 2013 3:39 am

Sounds tough for you, I've been bullied since...4th grade till 8th grade, I'm currently in 9th grade and even though I'm with the same classmates I've had throughout these years, I'm not being bullied anymore due to the fact that I lost quite a lot of weight and during the summer, being here and on DNF made me quite the different person, so pretty much I'm liked by everyone :S I've never been in a relationship through my entire life(yep not even one). That's the story of my life so far. Now I can only agree with what Fish said, and if you want to vent off or so, just tell me, I'm a good listener smile
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PostSubject: Re: On Girly Guys    Thu Sep 12, 2013 4:11 am

i suck at advice

do what you want i'm not going to tell you how to live your life, just that you probably shouldn't be too over the top concerned with these kind of things to the point of making this.
you have friends, just be yourself do what you think you should and what you think you can and what YOU actually want to.
go with what you get and stuff like that.

all you really need to get friends is just talking. most people probably want friends as much as you.

no one is perfect and everyone has problems and things they have to deal with as well and stuff that you'll have to tolerate from them.

finally, imo you shouldn't change yourself for people, which reminds me of a doctor seuss line




good luck and i hope you cheer up more or something.

....i tried



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PostSubject: Re: On Girly Guys    Thu Sep 12, 2013 5:25 am

Sherlock Holmes wrote:
Considering I'm only 15, My advice might not be the best, but anyway.
My school life was pretty decent to be honest. I went to a little private school in the middle of nowhere, So we were are cool with each other. During sixth grade, my family moved. You know how it is, New kid in middle of year, Rumors start. Good to say I was shunned. I kept to myself till 8th grade. I joined football, and started to hang out with "good" friends. Anyway, Middle of 9th grade, My gf broke up with me. Thing is, She started a rumor that I tried to **** her. (Fill it in, I know u can, Starts with r.) Needless to say, People beloved her. Needless to say, Her jock friends beat me within a inch of my life. Anyway, I lost all my friends, and I became antisocial. Was pretty depressed here and at school for quite some time. Moral of the story, Better to have 1 good friend, Than 10 terrible.
Moral of the story may also be not to attempt to rape your girlfriends, just subtly pressure them in naturally-occurring situations so they feel they have to put out without your explicit command.











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PostSubject: Re: On Girly Guys    Thu Sep 12, 2013 6:57 am

B-B-But...




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PostSubject: Re: On Girly Guys    Thu Sep 12, 2013 7:03 am

we have a topic about girly guys but not about guysy girls




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PostSubject: Re: On Girly Guys    Thu Sep 12, 2013 7:22 am

What are you saying with that? I don't think there are actually any guysy girls in this thread.

Are... Are you aware of waht you say before you say it?











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PostSubject: Re: On Girly Guys    Thu Sep 12, 2013 7:43 am

Fish wrote:
What are you saying with that? I don't think there are actually any guysy girls in this thread.

Are... Are you aware of waht you say before you say it?
wait we have girls? what?



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PostSubject: Re: On Girly Guys    Thu Sep 12, 2013 9:14 am

Supa's a pretty guysy girl.


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