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 I'm sorry.

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PostSubject: I'm sorry.   Mon Apr 20, 2015 9:33 am

Well, it would appear Marie has figured this out almost immediately. You should all know who I am. I had meant to make this topic several months ago, but now I feel I was not in the mental state to do such. I wanted to make a formal apology, and whilst I doubt any of you will forgive me for any of the shit I've said to you, done across you or similar, and the fact that I've flat out lied to you multiple times, I understand why I'm not particularly liked here by a decent amount of people.

That being said, I want to, at the very least, attempt to bridge old wounds and explain things in detail. Whether you choose to forgive or accept any of this is up to you. First of all, I feel this all connects back to one singular point. Regarding my gender. I've said many things to people, male, female, male, female. It's understandable you guys can't keep up.

I'll put it as bluntly as possible. I wish I were a girl, I really do. That's the real reason I said I was female in the first place, and the reason I would prefer to be referred to as such if this all goes well, although as much as I doubt it. I went through a period of denial some months back. You probably recognize this as the time where I started to get very edgy, aggressive, angry. Around November of last year up until I left. I admit, I was a moron. I had came out to my parents as of April last year, but I still don't have the courage to really move forward with this. I tried to hide it, I tried to be what society deemed as normal and it took a huge toll on me mentally, I was incredibly unhappy and I took it out on people. That, I am sorry for. I said a lot of things I didn't mean. Maybe anyone with any sort of knowledge of this type of thing could easily tell I was in denial, I had to attack anything and everything even remotely feminine, I thought.

So why am I here now, writing this apologizing to you all when I should have just stayed out of all of this? I promised this several months back. I want to come clean to you all and start over. I don't want to hate any of you, and I feel I've been extremely abusive of you all and quite honestly, I'm ashamed of it.

Regarding the blatant lies I have been consistently feeding the people here since roughly January of last year, I'll be as honest as I can, and whether you look at me strange, or feel even more angry with me - I only did what I did because it helped me feel like I was bridging the gap between who I truly am, and what I'm stuck with. While maybe I did take it a little far, I have always wanted my own children, and painfully - I can never have such. It was more comfort for me than anything else, and while I feel bad for draining your sympathy for my own selfish ends, I never truly intended to do anything malicious across anyone, although I ended up doing it several times. I should have known it would end badly, but it made me feel comfortable in one of the hardest times of my life.

Denial is a horrible, horrible world. But at the same time, this place was one of the first that, even only for a short time, recognized me as a female. I thank you for that. It meant a whole big deal to me at the time. As previously mentioned, I want to come clean, so ask me anything you want me to come clean about.

In particular, I'm sorry @ReSTART and @PumpkinRow. I've abused your trust more than anyone else. I shouldn't have. I should have honestly just told you the truth from the start, but I wanted to begin living as a female, even if only online to slowly build up my courage to start transitioning in real life. That's why I did all the things I did, and while I'm sure that doesn't sort it for you, especially during my edgy denial phase, you two are the ones I want to apologize to the most. I'm also particularly sorry to @J.J. Knight, I shouldn't have abused your trust either.

For the past 5 or 6 months, I was an edgy, arrogant brat to you all. I've started to come to terms with myself again, I'm much calmer, happier, and I felt I should apologize in proper. While I've said a lot of stuff to you, and especially across you, you all mean a lot to me. I hope this will suffice, if not, ask me what you wish for me to come clean about. I'm willing to pour my heart out.
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PostSubject: Re: I'm sorry.   Mon Apr 20, 2015 9:39 am

It takes a lot to admit you were wrong. I don't recall how you abused my trust, but all the same, all is forgiven on my end.

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PostSubject: Re: I'm sorry.   Mon Apr 20, 2015 3:35 pm

Your apologies for being a dick are accepted, it takes balls to stand up and apologise for past actions and to take responsibility for them.

Metaphorical balls, anyway.

But I don't accept your apologies for pretending to be a woman,  or a man, or a woman, or a man, or a pregnant woman, or a pregnant man, the reason for that being that you've done nothing wrong. Sexuality isn't a biological thing, and I don't give a shit whether you're a biological man or woman, a mental man or woman, who or what you identify as, want to be, or intend to become.

Having said that, I'm bisexual, many of my friends are bisexual or gay, we still do call eachother faggots and accuse eachother of being "queero-sexuals", because it's fun. It's joking. Don't take my, or most other people on this site's, abuse as sincere, because we're probably just doing it for fun and you should join in on the fun and call them a knocked up tranny right back. I feel it's important to note that most of the time when people do this, it's ironic; they're not taking the piss out of you for being a non-straight male, they're taking the piss out of people that are actually unironically abusive, homo/transphobic, etc.

So don't apologise for pretending to be a woman, lying for malicious purposes and lying for the sake of wish fulfillment are very different things. It's understandable that you feel you want to be, or should be, or spiritually, mentally or emotionally are, a woman. It's called gender fluidity and it's not something that's abnormal in this day and age. For fuck's sake, it's 2015. At this point I have more bi friends than straight ones.

A word of advice would be to relax, and stop giving a fuck about other people. You're a human being, and outside of growing into pre-expected stereotypical roles, nobody acts all that differently based upon their sexual attraction, except if it's repressed.

If you want to be a woman, nobody cares, you do you. You don't have to lie, you don't have to not-lie. Anonymity can allow you to act out a thousand things that you would never get to do in real life, or at the very least not without props, clothes, make-up, etc. Identify as a woman, act like a woman, it doesn't matter.
We will, however, still take the piss out of you for it, because we dun' take kandly t' no queero-sexuals in this here neyburhoood.

P.S. It also isn't such a big deal. You don't have to make it part of your personality. I'm 19 and have never come out to my parents, it's not something that you need to worry about. Trust me, I've repressed things and hidden from everything for a while and it all tends to go better than expected. Don't worry. But you seem to have mellowed out anyway, so that's good.

❑ Single
❑ Taken
✔️ Mentally dating a character that doesn't actually exist.
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